Tuesday, October 31, 2006


Happy Halloween

I hope everyone has a great one. And a safe one.

Save me some Tootsie Rolls.

P.S. Tomorrow I start blogging everyday for a month. I hope y'all stop by often.

Sunday, October 29, 2006


This is the last thing I'll say about it, I promise

To the person who googled this: detroit tigers D + pumpkin template, and found me instead:

You are obviously a Detroit fan and I'm sure the smug tone of my last post did not make you feel better about the crushing defeat your team suffered at the hands of my team, the St. Louis Cardinals.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sorry your team sucked, but I am sorry if I made you feel bad about it.

(I know, I'm being totally mean, but for the first time in my life, a team I was rooting for won the World Series. I swear I'll go back to being a good person very soon. Really.)

Friday, October 27, 2006


Go Cards! (Updated!)

I don't hear much about baseball in the blogging world. I guess everybody's too busy creating actual content and being all writerly to care about it.

However, as y'all know, I could give a crap about content, I use all my creativity to figure out what kind of ice cream tastes best with chocolate cake (vanilla), and I use non-words like writerly.

So we're talking about baseball tonight. Specifically the World Series.

Now, I'm a Cubs fan. It's genetics, I think. My dad was a Cubs fan, and my brothers are Cubs fans. Since I've already forsaken the family name by not being a Democrat, I stay true to the Cubbies to make up for it.

However, as per usual, the Cubs had their collective heads up their collective asses all year and the post season was but a dream for them.

So, Pookie is a St. Louis Cardinals fan. Our running joke is that we have a mixed marriage as Card fans and Cub fans do not generally get along well. We compromise during the regular season by rooting for each other's team as long as the two teams aren't playing each other.

This leads to lots of snarky phone calls from Pookie at work during evening games as the Cards are invariably whipping the Cubs asses.

Anyway, I've come to respect this team and it's players and the manager, Tony La Russa. I love watching them play.

The Cards made it to the Series this year, against the Detroit Tigers. The entered the Series as the underdog, but are now leading 3 games to 1.

They've come this far through skill, strategy, persverence, a hell of a bullpen and the sheer force of my will.

That's right, I'm taking partial credit for this. My eyes have burned through that screen every game night willing them to win.

Ahh! The Tigers just scored a two run homer. This makes me unhappy.

I'll be back later.

Update: Ha! Take THAT, you crack smoking Tiger fans! Ha!

The Cards have won the series. Oh, and Tony? You're welcome. I was glad to do it.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


It seems like it's been longer than that

Y'all, we missed a very important occasion. It was my first blog birthday on Oct. 17. As my gift to you to commemorate the occasion, I give you this. No need to thank me!

Now that I've gorked out you entirely (well, if you clicked on that link, anyway), I offer up my very first post for your consideration and/or ridicule:

"Well,after much futzing (it's a word!) and fidgeting, I am now down with the blog. Now I gotta write something, huh? Damnit, I knew there was a catch.

I'm still learning all the bells and whistles here. Serious clicking of random buttons goin on here.

It's Monday. And I? Am not at work. Because I? Am totally the boss. Except for the many thousands of people who are my bosses. But they're stinky and we don't like them. I am the boss of my little spot and I do make the schedules, so here I sit; Monday morning and nothing better to do than create my first ever blog. Whoo. It's good to be the Queen."

I know, literary genius, right? I actually spent the morning reading through my archives and enjoying myself immensely. Not because the writing is any good, but because of the comments. Back in the day, my family would just take over the comments section and say the most awful things. I actually kind of miss that. I am the crazy.

Speaking of my archives, I never did figure out how to just move them here, but I do have a link to them up in my blogroll, so please feel free to go peruse if you're so inclined. It's the very flrst link (of course). Just don't peruse too throughly, because I totally plan to re-post some of those during November. Because, let's face it, there's no way I can be interesting 30 days in a row without borrowing from myself.

I'm actually really excited about National Blog Posting Month, a lovely idea from the lovely Mrs. Kennedy.

I'm still open to any ideas y'all might have so feel free to post them in comments.

Some things you can look forward to in November:

1) The story of how I got stabbed in the FACE. With bloodshed and everything.

2) How a miracle occured in my van!

3) Some excellent YouTube offerings that I have been holding onto.

4) And some other random shit.

Exciting, yes?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006



Ok folks, I added Haloscan commenting to this blog. It shouldn't change anything for y'all, but it gives me the ability to answer your comments individually in e-mail without hijacking my own comments section and it also gives me the ability to delete comments.

I'm not a deleter by nature, believeing in freedom of speech and all that, so I don't expect it to happen often, but I do like having the option.

So, just to see how this works, I want y'all to go take this test to see how cool you are and come back and tell me in comments how you did. It's not just a cool test, it's a cool test.

So, go. Take the test. Come back and tell me how ya did. That's an order.

P.S. I still love Fonzie.

commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Friday, October 20, 2006


I Have Arrived ( Now edited for your pleasure)

This just in from the comments!

"anonymous said...

Why don't you write a post on the reasons why Little Miss Sunshine, the perfect wife of the perfect doctor, tears strangers down...low self-esteem or jealousy are my two guesses. Anyone in Texas or blog land want to chime in?

Perhaps more people would read your stuff if it was enlightening or even well-written.

Go back to baking cookies and wiping butts...methinks your true talent lies there. Most writers don't need a "hook"--their words speak for themselves. Your criticizing others speaks volumes of your character.

I'm ashamed for you."

I know. Awesome, right? My first mean comment! Well, my first mean comment that didn't come from a close friend or family member. Because those are some mean motherfuckers, and Anonymous looks like an amateur in comparison.

Nonetheless, I am excited by ths development, because only the big bloggers get mean comments. So don't let the amateurish quailty and poor writing here fool you; I've hit the big time, baby.

I do have a few issues with the comment though, and I thought I'd take a moment to list them here.

First off we have:
"Why don't you write a post on the reasons why Little Miss Sunshine"

Sadly, I am not Little Miss Sunshine. I realize you don't know me all that well, Anonymous, but I am not the least bit sunshiney. I am however, incredibly cute , especially when I smile, what with the dimples and all.

Then we have: "the perfect wife of the perfect doctor"

Ha! That's a good one. I am not a perfect wife, far from it, as a matter of fact. Pookie may feel free to chime in here, although he'll be mighty uncomfortable trying to sleep on one of the love seats if he does. Also, Pookie is not a doctor. I've never even hinted that he might be a doctor and am really not sure where you came up with that. Although he does like to play doctor and is, in fact, quite good at it.

"tears strangers down...low self-esteem or jealousy are my two guesses."

My guess would be both. I hate myself and I hate you. Maybe I need to see a doctor? Oh, Pooookie....

"Go back to baking cookies"

Oh, that's a good one. Not that baking cookies is not a noble pursuit, but I don't do it. Don't get me wrong, I loves me some cookies, but to be frank (and possibly give you actual ammunition against me, instead of the shit you've made up out of whole cloth), I am not a good cook. There, I said it. I feel better now, don't you?

Now, as to the rest of it, where you essentially call me a shitty writer, well, ya got me there. I've never referred to myself as a writer because I'm not. I'm a blogger, nothing less, nothing more.

By the way, in the interest of full disclosure, Anonymous is angry with me for having an opinion of *her* site by way of a site called Trainwrecks.

(Edit: Anonymous found me thanks to a link attached to my name on a comment I made at Trainwrecks. The nice (or not-so-nice, depending on who you are) people at Trainwrecks are not affiliated with Anonymous. Tarte Au Citron is a contributor to Trainwrecks and is most decidedly NOT Anonymous.)

(Also, I love my cousin Jo.)

If you feel up to following the trail, please do, but I'm not linking to her here, because I don't have to. I, at no time, commented at her personal blog. Also, whoever DD is that defended me in her comments? Thanks! Please say Hi, so I can thank you properly.

Ok, I have to run to Wal-mart, eat some fish and fried green tomatoes and then watch Project Runway. Try not to envy me.

Thursday, October 19, 2006


Attention Internets

I have not yet watched the season finale of Project Runway. I won't go into the reasons why, except to point to a rather unhealthy addiction to Dharma and Greg on TiVo and also, the boy and I were busy this evening reading. (and re-reading and then more reading. He got a new Thomas book.)

Also, Pookie watched it last night (that bastard) and has been telling me how pissed off and upset I'm going to be, so I'm waiting until tomorrow night so that at least it won't matter if I don't sleep because I'm off this weekend.

So, if I didn't visit your blog or journal today, it was because I was scared someone was going to tell me what happened, and I prefer to get my pissed offedness first hand. Though, Isabel almost spoiled it, I was smart enough to not click the link in her entry. Close call though.

Also, also. the Cards are going to the series! This makes me happy because if the Cubs are never going tto get their heads out of their asses and do something already, I do like the Cards and hope they win. However, Detroit is the underdog and I can't friggin resist an underdog, so this is going to a vey conflicted series for me. First game is Saturday night and we will be propped up in front of the TV. I may even have a beer. But I doubt it. But I might!

If you've made it through all that drivel, you deserve a little gift. My cousin Jo sent me something in email today that I think everyone will enjoy. Here is it, and don't say I never gave you anything. Buncha ingrates.

Monday, October 16, 2006


Where I pick your brains (figuratively...because..eww)

Mrs. Chili has taken a break from giving me shit over at Pookie's blog to tell me about a wicked idea that Mrs. Kennedy had. (Mrs. Chili has also informed me that I need to learn how to use the word 'wicked' whenever possible if I'm going to fit in when we finally move to New Hampshire. How'm I doin' so far? Wicked, right?)

Basically, the idea is to post something every day for the month of November. It doesn't have to be literature (which is a good thing, right?) (Oh, shut up), just post something, anything every day for a month. It'll also help strengthen my commitment to this blog.

I don't kid myself that I'm a writer, but I enjoy this blog and am looking forward to the chance to prove to myself that I can do this.

I'm going to participate, because it sounds like fun and it'll be a helluva challenge, especially for a girl who has a hard time thinking of something interesting to say just twice a week or so.

Also, Mrs. Kennedy made some awesome buttons for this thing for people to put on their blogs, and I want one! Of course, figuring out how to put that on my template, with the html and all, will be at worth at least one post. It'll go something like this: Fuck. Fuckity. Fuckmerunning. What the fuck?

So, yes...my usual wit and brilliance. Do try not to be jealous of my genius for words.

So, anyway, the point of all this, is that I'd love to hear some ideas from you all. Maybe I could do one post comprised of people asking me questions in comments or e-mail and me answering them. They could be questions about me, or life in Texas, or why I think the Cubs suck on purpose just to piss me off or if you just need a good chocolate cake recipe (hey, I can use Google as well as anybody, right?). Anything.

Also, I think it would be great to do a few guest posts from my non-blogging friends who are hilarious and whom make me laugh often. Jo? Pat? I'm talking to y'all, here. If anybody else is a non-blogger (or if you have a blog (or a journal, which is snooty talk for blog) but would like to write something here), and you'd like a guest spot here, just let me know and I'll give ya the hook-up.

Ok, I just had a parenthetical phrase inside of a parenthetical phrase. Someone should really take my keyboard away from me make and me read a book, already.

I'm not usually a comment beggar, because, hell, I'm just grateful that y'all are reading; asking for anything else just seems greedy. But I would really love to hear some serious feedback on this one. Y'all are all way smarter than I am, and I bet you can come up with lots of ideas.

Pretty please, with sugar on top, and by the way, have you lost weight? Because you look good. And I'm not just saying that. Really.

So if you have an idea for a post, or a question you'd like answered, please leave a comment or email me at verycontrary@gmail.com with the subject line 'post ideas'. I look forward to hearing from you.

Friday, October 13, 2006


I'm just a little too proud of myself

Look over there. To your left. No, your other left. Criminey.

I made a blogroll! This may not seem like a good reason for huge excitement, but it is.

See, it involved HTML, which scares me like algebra scares me, which is to say, a helluva lot.

But thanks to Buffi, who was very sweet and patient, and pretty much held my hand through the process, I have a blogroll!

Now, a few days ago, my bookmarks went missing. I mean, they were gone, never to return. So this blogroll is from memory. I am like an elephant with the memory. However, I may have forgotten a few. Because even elephants get old and forget shit sometimes. Also, I could use some lotion for these ashy elbows.

So if you think you should be on that blogroll, leave a comment, and I will risk screwing it all up to add you. Because I am just that fucking sweet.

Oh, and if you'd like to add me to your blogroll, feel free! (Maybe my hook could be shameless self promotion!)

Oh, and to those of you who told me that my hook was me, my own self? Well, you bastards almost made me cry with the niceness and whatnot. I am not used to that kind of thing. At least warn a bitch before you do that kind of thing. I love you guys. Now, we will speak of the sappiness no more. (but I really do love you guys)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


I need a hook

Y'all, I need a hook. A gimmick. Something that will not only draw readers in, but keep them.

Don't get me wrong, I get a respectable amount of visits, but I'd like to have more...because, frankly, I'm an attention whore.

I used to have a hook. Back when I managed to injure myself in some bizarre, horrifying, yet oddly benign manner every other day, people came here just to view the carnage. You bunch of rubbernecking bastards.

But I've gone a couple months now and really, the worst injuries I've had is that one pimple that went rogue on me and tonight I cut a toenail just a little too short.

I'm not the type to self-injure just for the attention, because at the end of the day, I'm a pussy and am allergic to pain.

I suppose I could just start making shit up, but that would snowball horribly, I think. Pretty soon, I'd be telling y'all how I fell into a well in my yard and how it took the national guard and earth moving vehicles to get me out. No body wants that.

Other bloggers have a hook. Some are pregnant, some are crazy, some have talent.

I'm committed to this blog, but I don't think I can talk Pookie into getting his vesectomy reversed and knocking me up just for blog fodder.

I'm committed to this blog , but I'm not willing to be committed for this blog.

I'm committed to this blog, but I can't pull talent out of my butt.

Help me out innernets. I need a hook.

Monday, October 09, 2006


There's gotta be something good about 7am

See that right there? That picture? That is the only good thing about getting to work at 7am. The view. This picture does not do it justice. It looks like the sky is on fire. Even the less poetic among my co-workers can be found outside promptly at 7am to take in the view. I take credit for having dragged most of them out there at one time or another.

I'm not sure it's a good enough reason to get to work that early. But it is gorgeous and totally worth the neck ache I get every morning from looking at it.

I read recently where they've done a through inspection of the Mona Lisa and could detect no brushstrokes. Now, no one could doubt that the Mona Lisa is a masterpiece, but one of the reasons I love my early morning view is that it is riddled with brushstrokes. They make it more interesting and textured and just plain cool. If you believe in a higher power (as I do) it's hard not to imagine him relaxing while painting the morning sky and sipping a cuppa (Starbuck's maybe?).

Speaking of Starbucks, Shiz has changed my mind about them. Would anyone else offer such a spirited and complimentary defense of an employer, past or present(as she did in the comments section of the last post)? I know I wouldn't. So, Starbie's is now my official provider of frosty beverages. Also, I tasted one of their pumpkin drinks today, and I swear, they could trade in white slavery and I'd still pony up the bucks for a tall one.

So, everyone go out and support an employer who takes care of their people. And don't forget to tip.


A new friend of mine sent me something in e-mail today that I thought I would share with y'all. Inform your local schools or worthy non-profits and help them possible get quite a gift.

"The folks over at Hamburger Helper are conducting a grant contest for schools and non-profit groups raising funds to positively impact their community in some way. Every month through May 2007, Hamburger Helper will donate up to $15,000 to eligible 501(c)(4) "hometown" organizations. All a group has to do to win is to register online with www.myhometownhelper.com and complete an essay of two hundred and fifty words or less describing how they the need help.

All of the application information can be found here:


Thanks, Charlie (not my brother) for the heads up!

Also, Pookie is blogging! Exciting, yes? Go see! Leave a comment! Tell him how cute he is!

Friday, October 06, 2006


Three Things

Thing one: Well, people, I've done it. I jumped on the bandwagon and it's heading straight to Hell. I went to Starbucks for the very first time today. We've had one across the sreet from work for about a year now, but I'd managed to avoid it. But today, people kept walking in with their iced venti lattes and grande mocha frappes and even though I didn't know what those words meant, those drinks looked so good, I had to have one. It didn't seem evil in there; the people were nice and the strawberries and creme thingie I had was awesome, but still, I feel dirty somehow.

Also, 4.75 for what amounted to a strawberry shake? I think I twisted an ankle jumping right back off the bandwagon. I'm cured! Cured by cheapness! Amen!

Thing two: There is a godawful smell in my garage. You know it's bad if I can smell it, because I still have the stuffed up nose from hell. Either a small animal has died in there or Tony Soprano has moved to Texas and couldn't find anywhere else to dump his latest victim. Pookie took out the trash and and it seems better, but it's entirely possible that the odor just killed my ability to smell. I'll keep you updated. Because I know you care.

Thing three: My weekly 2 days late Project Runway review! I know it's exciting, but y'all need to calm down. So, was that Keith Guy a chickenshit or what? At the time he got booted for having design contraband and leaving the production for several hours, he was philosophical and almost gracious about it. Now, in this reunion special, he says the books were planted and that he received tacit permission to leave the production. Little bastard weasel.

But...Michael won the fan favorite thingie and his prize was 10,000 smackeroos. Well, actually, it was 10,000 dollars. I'm not really sure what smackeroos are.

Let's see...Vincent was fully exposed for the prima donna, backstabbing, whiney bitch he is, which was lovely. I must say though, he makes me look like a slacker in the tantrum throwing department.

We briefly revisited the trauma over Jeffrey and Angela's mother. Jeffrey is still a dick, acting like he didn't have a chance to apologize, when in fact, Angela asked him to apologize to her mother and he refused. Dickless wonder. (as an aside, did y'all see the preview for the next show, where Tim Gunn visits Jeffrey and Jeffrey's kid tries to hand Tim what he says is turtle poop? Please God, let's hope that 'turtle poop' is their funny name for Tootsie Rolls.)

I can't wait till next week. And I know that you can't wait until my next half-assed, ill-informed take on the whole thing.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


I'm comin' out

I watched Liza Minelli on Inside the Actor's Studio last night. I've never thought much about her, beyond having loved her in Arthur; but I loved everyone in Arthur. It's the perfect movie.

I have to say, though, I am now in love. I have decided to become a gay man, that's how much I love her.

Now, this won't be much of an adjustment for me, as I'm already with the man I love. Married to him, no less. The government can't keep this gay man down, sister!

I'll have to learn how to throw like a girl, but I'm already deathly afraid of bugs, so I think it will work out nicely.

Pookie may have some adjusting to do, though. Especially when I change my name to Marcel and learn how to love shopping.


Oh, it's my brother's birthday today. So even though we made him a cake, after he called to say he was coming up today and then called this morning to cancel YET AGAIN, I want y'all to wish him a happy birthday. Even though I'm really cheesed off at him.

Happy Birthday, Joel! Your cake is delicious! And almost gone!

Also, I'm on my deathbed (ok, death couch, whatever) with the worst cold/sinus attack in the history of the world. Send cough drops. Or whiskey. Whichever.

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