Tuesday, September 19, 2006


A Call to Arms

First, to answer a few questions:

Pat: Lightning McQueen is a character from the movie Cars. He's a race car. Currently little man's hero. A drivable Lightning McQueen is a toy that he can sit in and drive. Now, what is this East Village you speak of? Are there lots of animated movie fans there?

Mrs. Chili: Yes, gator. I will note that I only finally felt better today. Rule of thumb, only one gator on a stick for any one visit to the fair. Because, OMG.

Andy: I don't honestly know what fair it was. It was the fair that comes to town once a year. Is that the state fair? Or do we not get the state fair here because it's Podunkville and we have to compensate with the local fair of food poisoning?

And a special note to Roo: AVOID THE GATOR!!

Now, on to the reason I've called you all here today:

There's this guy at work. He's what you might call a prankster. I call him worse things daily. He likes to mess with me and I like to retaliate.

There have been twists and turns in the ongoing battle: Waterfights (seriously, they used less water to film The Titanic than we've wasted in water fights).
Walking around a corner and having the everloving crap scared out of you (I've been told I do a very satisfting leap and scream combo) (and when I punch the crap out of his arm? That's when I get my satisfaction).
The open cans of catfood left in inconspicuous places (if you think cat food stinks fresh out of the can, wait until it's sat in a light fixture for two days.)
The label he stuck around my around my arm that stretched from my wrist to my elbow (and the ensuing hilarity as I ripped all the hair off my arm. Apparently, strangled screams are a HOOT).

Are you getting the picture, Internet?

So this morning I get to work and he has wrapped my entire grooming table and the grooming arm up in shrink wrap.

I took some really crappy pictures with my crappy camera phone so y'all can get a crappy idea of what it looked like:

Pic 1:

Ok, it's a really crappy picture but the word 'Ha!' is written on the shrink wrap.

Pic 2:

Looks like a Hershey's kiss, huh? Here is it says 'Casting Stones'. Before you ask, I have no idea what the hell that means.

So he got me pretty good and I'd like to get him back even better. My first instinct is to shrink wrap his truck's doors, into the shut position. Then maybe I can write something really esoteric on it.

But there's got to be something better than simply taking his prank to the next level, right?

Y'all gotta help a bitch out, yo. I need relatively harmless (though a little hair loss on his part wouldn't hurt my feelings), legal revenge, appropriate for the workplace.

Now some of y'all would probably argue that revenge of any flavor is inappropriate in the workplace. To you I say, "Hah!'.


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